but fell into a gout episode almost immediately, and i've developed some kind of nerve damage in my left hand, which limits me to an elemental hunt and peck typing.
the surgery was very successful, however, and i'm glad to have it behind me. i'll be reading the blog daily, but forgive me any cryptic replies. wish too, i could say this has resulted in some poetry to pass on, but if it has the muse is keeping her silence.
i'm so grateful for all your kind words in my absence. and it's damn good to be home again.
jim
Monday, November 9, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
on the way to my new knee
on the way to my new knee
i keep having mishaps
to hold me back
like first the heart guy decided
to put in another stent
and after that after he said no surgery
for six months
i woke up one morning gushing out copious
amounts of bloody diarrhea
which sent me to another specialist and another
stay in the hospital to search
out the culprit only
the loss of all that blood led to the worst case
of gout i've ever experienced
which had to be alleviated before
they could put me under and get up in there
to see what was what
which turned out to be diverticulosis they finally decided
not as bad as its cousin
diverticulitis but bad enough in the sense
that it could happen again
and very well might but meanwhile
yes god it did seem
we were over the hump
for the time being
and the orthopedist crossed swords with the heart guy
forcing him to agree
that three months was just as safe as six
yes okay said the heart guy
and anyway
if he has another attack at least it's not apt to be fatal
freeing us up finally to set a date
for the 22nd
and yesterday i went to the surgery building
for a lecture on all that
a total knee replacement entails
which i'll save you from
except the part where the anesthesiologist went over
my history for the past five years
and said well
he was satisfied that i stood a very good chance
of survival something like ninety
per cent which is good i asked
right oh yes he said
don't worry
you'll be just fine except when i got home
and went to the internet
the word i got there was most of these replacements
generally have no more than a two three per cent
fatality rate
which when i told my son about it he said
listen dad maybe you should
put it off for a while we can get you around
in the wheel chair and you
can still drive when you have to
and it's not that
i don't agree with him
it's just
i keep hearing the nurse say
how i will have to really exercise
that knee
and take walks play golf
things like that
exercise she calls it jesus how about
a miracle how about
listen how does she think this sounds to a person
who cannot walk across the room
without pausing to rest
imagine me
getting up and announcing well don't worry
i'm just going out and walk
around the block
oh god yes
except that was all before i tripped this morning
and fell against the chair
at my computer
probably breaking my rib the doc says
which we can find out for sure
with an x-ray except only thing is if it's broken
there's not much
she can do about it except increase my hydrocodone
to ten mg every six hours or so
and you better
ask your orthopedist if he still thinks the
22nd is reasonable
and oh yes
be careful getting out of bed
and if you're not better
by monday
come on back in but
don't drive
i keep having mishaps
to hold me back
like first the heart guy decided
to put in another stent
and after that after he said no surgery
for six months
i woke up one morning gushing out copious
amounts of bloody diarrhea
which sent me to another specialist and another
stay in the hospital to search
out the culprit only
the loss of all that blood led to the worst case
of gout i've ever experienced
which had to be alleviated before
they could put me under and get up in there
to see what was what
which turned out to be diverticulosis they finally decided
not as bad as its cousin
diverticulitis but bad enough in the sense
that it could happen again
and very well might but meanwhile
yes god it did seem
we were over the hump
for the time being
and the orthopedist crossed swords with the heart guy
forcing him to agree
that three months was just as safe as six
yes okay said the heart guy
and anyway
if he has another attack at least it's not apt to be fatal
freeing us up finally to set a date
for the 22nd
and yesterday i went to the surgery building
for a lecture on all that
a total knee replacement entails
which i'll save you from
except the part where the anesthesiologist went over
my history for the past five years
and said well
he was satisfied that i stood a very good chance
of survival something like ninety
per cent which is good i asked
right oh yes he said
don't worry
you'll be just fine except when i got home
and went to the internet
the word i got there was most of these replacements
generally have no more than a two three per cent
fatality rate
which when i told my son about it he said
listen dad maybe you should
put it off for a while we can get you around
in the wheel chair and you
can still drive when you have to
and it's not that
i don't agree with him
it's just
i keep hearing the nurse say
how i will have to really exercise
that knee
and take walks play golf
things like that
exercise she calls it jesus how about
a miracle how about
listen how does she think this sounds to a person
who cannot walk across the room
without pausing to rest
imagine me
getting up and announcing well don't worry
i'm just going out and walk
around the block
oh god yes
except that was all before i tripped this morning
and fell against the chair
at my computer
probably breaking my rib the doc says
which we can find out for sure
with an x-ray except only thing is if it's broken
there's not much
she can do about it except increase my hydrocodone
to ten mg every six hours or so
and you better
ask your orthopedist if he still thinks the
22nd is reasonable
and oh yes
be careful getting out of bed
and if you're not better
by monday
come on back in but
don't drive
Monday, September 28, 2009
leftover life
after the sex
her body swathed in lamplight
the infant lying on the quilt beside her
she sat back on her heels
in the bed
and used a damp washcloth on her
breasts and her face
and arms
much as the peasant girl in the wild bunch
bathed herself
the morning that william holden was preparing
to leave
and though she knew
nothing of what was to happen now
still there was that
sad stoicism
reflected in her eyes the sure knowledge
she would never see him again
the way this one braved a smile when he said
see ya
and me i wondered how long it would be
before i stopped calling myself he
her body swathed in lamplight
the infant lying on the quilt beside her
she sat back on her heels
in the bed
and used a damp washcloth on her
breasts and her face
and arms
much as the peasant girl in the wild bunch
bathed herself
the morning that william holden was preparing
to leave
and though she knew
nothing of what was to happen now
still there was that
sad stoicism
reflected in her eyes the sure knowledge
she would never see him again
the way this one braved a smile when he said
see ya
and me i wondered how long it would be
before i stopped calling myself he
Thursday, September 17, 2009
parallel universe
for ever so long
i dreamt of what it would be like
to be free again
but when it happened
when she went off to the nursing home
and i found myself
listening to the sweep hand of the quartz clock on the wall
all that awaited me was
this endless process of self-examination
one day the soul
the next my papyrus skin
that seems now
almost to glow as if
burnished
by the sun on these cloudless september
afternoons
and what's left
but to long for
a renewal of slavery
to replace a life
with no seeming purpose
and tonight
as if by example
chris called to say jennifer was running
a hundred and two
probably got dehydrated again he said and i said chris
a hundred and two is bad
maybe you should take her to the er
but he said nah
not yet she's been through this before
we're kinda used to it now
and besides i'll be watching her real close you know
but i'm not really listening to
his words so much as
the rhythm the ease the self-assurance
and watching him through the love in her eyes
as he puts another wash cloth to her brow
and checks her pulse
so i'm down to just this
next time give me everything lord
never mind dementia bring it on all the way
even up to
a hundred and two
i dreamt of what it would be like
to be free again
but when it happened
when she went off to the nursing home
and i found myself
listening to the sweep hand of the quartz clock on the wall
all that awaited me was
this endless process of self-examination
one day the soul
the next my papyrus skin
that seems now
almost to glow as if
burnished
by the sun on these cloudless september
afternoons
and what's left
but to long for
a renewal of slavery
to replace a life
with no seeming purpose
and tonight
as if by example
chris called to say jennifer was running
a hundred and two
probably got dehydrated again he said and i said chris
a hundred and two is bad
maybe you should take her to the er
but he said nah
not yet she's been through this before
we're kinda used to it now
and besides i'll be watching her real close you know
but i'm not really listening to
his words so much as
the rhythm the ease the self-assurance
and watching him through the love in her eyes
as he puts another wash cloth to her brow
and checks her pulse
so i'm down to just this
next time give me everything lord
never mind dementia bring it on all the way
even up to
a hundred and two
Friday, August 21, 2009
there is no true philosophy
there is no true philosophy
beyond the thing itself
gushing
forth like dark wine
from the slash
in your bota bag
the shock of recognition
when you dip your fingers in it
beyond the thing itself
gushing
forth like dark wine
from the slash
in your bota bag
the shock of recognition
when you dip your fingers in it
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
now that i love you more
now that i love you more
now that we have so little
to share
perhaps even to remember
your smile your every touch
have taken on
a deeper meaning and the kisses
you avoided
for all those years
are filled with a devotion
so intimate
that you hold up your palm like a curtain lest
one of the others should see us
naked
now that we have so little
to share
perhaps even to remember
your smile your every touch
have taken on
a deeper meaning and the kisses
you avoided
for all those years
are filled with a devotion
so intimate
that you hold up your palm like a curtain lest
one of the others should see us
naked
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
what the dictionary said
this morning looking
for something else entirely
i came across
the definition for semicubium
"a curve in which
the ordinates are proportional to
the square roots
of the cubes of the ab
scissas" and i had
to wonder
how much learning one must assume
is behind such
a concise statement a depth
of background
in math certainly some geometry
some physics
far more than i have or will ever
which makes
the definition just another declaration of the thing
only deepening
the mystery
and adding nothing at all to our understanding
so unlike the way you did it
trying to express your love
when we went back to the rr crossing
the next day and you
picked up the bent front bumper and scraps of plastic
left behind from the 4-runner
that jeff died in when the train hit him
cradling them to your breast
and carrying them home to save in the closet
the way
you made it so clear when i finally asked you
five years later
if we couldn't maybe
get rid of this stuff now
the tone
in your voice and your lip trembling when you said
touch his things again i'll kill you
for something else entirely
i came across
the definition for semicubium
"a curve in which
the ordinates are proportional to
the square roots
of the cubes of the ab
scissas" and i had
to wonder
how much learning one must assume
is behind such
a concise statement a depth
of background
in math certainly some geometry
some physics
far more than i have or will ever
which makes
the definition just another declaration of the thing
only deepening
the mystery
and adding nothing at all to our understanding
so unlike the way you did it
trying to express your love
when we went back to the rr crossing
the next day and you
picked up the bent front bumper and scraps of plastic
left behind from the 4-runner
that jeff died in when the train hit him
cradling them to your breast
and carrying them home to save in the closet
the way
you made it so clear when i finally asked you
five years later
if we couldn't maybe
get rid of this stuff now
the tone
in your voice and your lip trembling when you said
touch his things again i'll kill you
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